We say that an imposter is someone who tries to deceive by false appearances. I am an imposter. I tried so hard to be like you. By my words, I believe. And I must have some talent with language, because I'm taking the game I thought for a moment that I could be, but as time goes by, I understand that I'll never be that woman ... Women like me have no place in this world of desire and sensuality. Their skin is not made to know the thrill of a dedicated and passionate lover. There too, skin ... I wanted so badly to be this perfect angel. I thought being, for a while. I found myself dreaming that I, the ugly duckling, I could please. I even dared to dream that at some point, these crazy desires, dreams that bloom inside me could become reality . That a man one day would want to make me a woman filled. Worse: I fell in love with one who made me believe that despite everything I was, yes, everything was possible. This was possible because he loved me: I had written! Yes, I'm stupid at this point there!
For this blog, we became interested in me. In my words. I was writing. Very lovely messages. I was flattered that people who could write such pretty things interested me. After all, I am so ... I'm going to write if any, but no, just ... I am anything but whatever.
The truth is that men in my life, there was very little. I'm not sure I should put an "s" word man, in fact ... And I know, because I have already said that I am lucky to have found the man of my life and he loves me as much as I love him. But the butterflies, sweaty palms, heart beating, the pleasure of feeling in hands, the lips of the other all the desire he has of himself, the passion I have known this only once ... A very small time. And I am thirty years old, shit!
And I felt like I too have a lover - because if I believe what I read from my fellow bloggers, I am the only one not to have adventures - To experience what we call here a "trip" to three out of these clubs where anything goes ... I do flirt. But all that is not accessible for women like me. Women like me, they have no place in a world libertine. They disturb. Women like me, it does not want to think they can have a sex life. It does not want to imagine. It's disgusting. They are disgusting ...
And this desire that grows and continues to remind me that I could never be part of that world, it gnaws my heart. As time passes, the more I want to live a life that I will never be accessible. As time passes, the more I find something missing in my life.
I have to change something because, obviously, it will not. I told myself that if I ever hope to live the life of someone else, I might be able to find how to love mine life. So I'm flying. I do not know if I come back, but I need a moment to walk away from it all. To grieve: I'll never be that woman ...
Thanks for all those beautiful moments. Thank you for the dream. By the time I believed it was beautiful.
Angel
For this blog, we became interested in me. In my words. I was writing. Very lovely messages. I was flattered that people who could write such pretty things interested me. After all, I am so ... I'm going to write if any, but no, just ... I am anything but whatever.
The truth is that men in my life, there was very little. I'm not sure I should put an "s" word man, in fact ... And I know, because I have already said that I am lucky to have found the man of my life and he loves me as much as I love him. But the butterflies, sweaty palms, heart beating, the pleasure of feeling in hands, the lips of the other all the desire he has of himself, the passion I have known this only once ... A very small time. And I am thirty years old, shit!
And I felt like I too have a lover - because if I believe what I read from my fellow bloggers, I am the only one not to have adventures - To experience what we call here a "trip" to three out of these clubs where anything goes ... I do flirt. But all that is not accessible for women like me. Women like me, they have no place in a world libertine. They disturb. Women like me, it does not want to think they can have a sex life. It does not want to imagine. It's disgusting. They are disgusting ...
And this desire that grows and continues to remind me that I could never be part of that world, it gnaws my heart. As time passes, the more I want to live a life that I will never be accessible. As time passes, the more I find something missing in my life.
I have to change something because, obviously, it will not. I told myself that if I ever hope to live the life of someone else, I might be able to find how to love mine life. So I'm flying. I do not know if I come back, but I need a moment to walk away from it all. To grieve: I'll never be that woman ...
Thanks for all those beautiful moments. Thank you for the dream. By the time I believed it was beautiful.
Angel
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